Reminisce on the love we had...

Tonight was random. I judged two groups of first-year law students doing Oral Argument assignments. It was a favor for my Legal Writing professor. At first, I was annoyed that I had signed up to do it, but once I was there... it was AWESOME! It was sooooooooooo nostalgic. Especially since my partner was one of the other judges! Anyway, I remembered how I was that first year, and I was re-energized to fulfill my dreams of being a great ATTORNEY.

Anyway, the nostalgia continued as I went to a certain classy bar to meet my best friend in town. I was cute... but guess what, y'all! I had on (SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) FLIP FLOPS!!!!!!! Anyone reading this who KNOWS ME... also knows that I DO NOT wear flip flops to "events." But, tonight, I wanted to look cool and casual, and the bronze flippers totally worked. Nostalgic moment of the night came when I saw "my biggest mistake" in the cafe. I'll be damned if he didn't look good. Most ironic is that I was JUST THINKING about him and his sexy back tatoo, that is SO unexpected when he's clothed! But, I didn't sweat him. In fact, I hardly noticed him! We did make some contact, though, when he hugged me and I gave him the obligatory kiss on the cheek. I also got a picture of him, though not with my own camera (HEY! we were taking pictures BEFORE he even imposed himself in the crosshairs!) It's cute. The problem is this: I think he was totally there with his BABY MAMA, but I couldn't tell if that woman was there with him or his brother?! :- That's the screwface, for those of you who can't tell. By far, I had a great night, especially looking hot in front of certain someones and leaving the bar without a care in the world. Mind you, I was not inebriated...

Anyhow, there's room for more nostalgic moments, as I sent a text message to an old flame. This NEGRO had the nerve to say he thought I had lost his phone number. UMMMMMMMMMMMMM... excuse ME?! Last time I checked... the MAN was supposed to pursue the WOMAN. And clearly, I am not a man. But, then again, neither is he. So, I guess I should understand. LOL. One time for Riesling. :-)

The Black Woman's Resolution to "Racy" Relationships?

While skimming the Hilltop (Howard University's publication) online, I came across this: http://www.thehilltoponline.com/media/storage/paper590/news/2006/11/08/LifeStyle/Many-Get.Defensive.On.Black.Men.Boycott-2446633.shtml?norewrite200611081001&sourcedomain=www.thehilltoponline.com&mkey=1504410.

Like you, I was in utter shock when I read the article. Boycott BLACK MEN?! Are you nuts?! I think I speak for many a sister when I say that although I complain often about the (perceived) lack of eligible black men, I have never... ever, ever, ever... thought to go all Rosa Parks (RIP, Soror) on them as a whole.

So... what would make a group of black women go so far as to create a website for the sole purpose of encouraging other black women to join the crusade with the common thread being their tire "of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us?" As I read, I concluded that whether there truly is a dearth of decent available brothers, black women all over the world feel as though they are on the short side of the supply AND demand curves.

I have said many times "there are no good black men out there." You know the old tune: either they're married, gay or even worse, prefer white women.

The title www.blackwomenneedlovetoo.com alone goes to show that the trend of black men dating and marrying outside their race has profoundly impacted today's black woman. This affect is compounded by the still present taboo presented when black women explore relationships with other races. Since we've heard all the reasons why brothers look elsewhere, I won't delve into them here. But, why do black women choose to so closely stick to our brothers when we believe that they would rather be in Becky's arms? Or at least the arms of someone that has hair like hers?

I must admit, I watched the movie "Something New" over the weekend. I can totally empathize with Kenya, the main character. Like she, I am a professional trying to find my niche in corporate America. As I climb each rung of the proverbial ladder, the pool of attractive mates grows smaller and smaller. I guess in my fantasy world (read: when I was still a student), there was a wealth of fine-tall-black doctors, lawyers and engineers in the "real world" who could hardly wait to ask for my hand in marriage. Hmmmmm.... not so much. But, just in case, I'll keep my my mind and heart open and maybe, just maybe, I won't have to race to the other end of the color spectrum.

I only roll with cute (classy, clever, confident) chicks!

Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. "A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses." The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb, will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you, will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

I must admit... I'm guilty by association!

Appreciate those who love you even if it's not in the way you want...

So, today is Valentine's Day. Although I don't have a significant other, I was reminded that there are many people in this world who love me and their love is just as important as the romantic sort. I got roses and a card from my mommy. I also got one of the infamous heart-shaped containers holding assorted chocolates from a friend. The "bad kids" at work took me to birthday/Valentine's Day lunch. I even got a plant for my office. An e-mail from an old friend brought a smile to my face. And the various text messages from others simply wishing me a happy V-Day was enough for me to relish in all the PINK, red and white that makes February 14th what it is. Ultimately, even if I didn't share today with the love of my life, the loves in my life made it a special occasion. For that, I am grateful.

Go Shawty! It's your BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Well, you can't find me in the club, but I am celebrating "another year better" on this day.... February 11. Since it's not polite to ask a lady her age, logic (at least MY logic) follows that it's also not impolite if I choose to conceal such information. I'll only call myself "twentysomething" and quote the one and only Jay-Z... "thirty's the new twenty." And, no, I'm not 29. Or 28 for that matter. :-)

Anyhow, I know it's been a while since my last post, but I've been busy being fabulous and what-not. However, I felt compelled to write considering that today, the anniversary of my birth, is such a momentous occasion!

So, what insight have I learned (or learned better) from experiencing one more year in this world?

Here is one through ten, in no particular order:

1. Faith without work is dead.

2. Follow your instinct; it hardly ever fails you.

3. Always put your best foot forward, for you never know who might be watching.

4. Distinguish those who truly have your best interest as a priority from those who do not; keep the former close, but don't forget the latter.

5. Be a good friend to those that are good to you; everyone else deserves cordiality.

6. Don't ever be afraid to dream!

7. Learn to listen. The skill is invaluable.

8. Stay true to yourself. Pretending to be someone you're not is exhausting.

9. Being this fabulous doesn't come easy!

10. It's cold at the top...

"I didn't go to church today, but I seriously considered it. I think that should count for something."

Someone made this statement to me, and it got me to thinking... must one go to church to be religious? This same question was posed to Kirk Franklin (GC, are you wit' me?!) one morning on the radio. He sagely responded with a question of his own, namely: Do you have to wear a ring to be married? Of course the answer to Franklin's query is no, one does not have to wear a wedding ring to be married. But, he clearly made the point that there are things one does, albeit through formalistic rituals, to signify that they are married, such as wearing a gold band on their left ring finger. Likewise, Christians go to church, among other reasons, to indicate that they are in fact Christians.

I admit that I have been slacking on going to church for the past month or so. Between traveling and having weekend guests, it has been difficult for me to get my praise on. But, I've always felt that I can speak to God on my own, and therefore, did not really need to go to church to feed my spirituality. As far as I was concerned, going to church was optional. And, although I choose to attend because I am of the mind that listening to a pastor preach the word provides me with a deeper understanding of my God and my religion, and because I always feel better after I leave the sanctuary, my reasoning has shifted, and I owe it all to Kirk! I often hear that others should KNOW that saved people are just that; that saved people should be recognized as such both in their words and their actions. Well, a prerequisite for wearing your Christianity on your sleeve is going to church. Thank you, Brother Kirk. I stand corrected.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

If people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... how can you tell when their time is up? I think back on relationships I have had with various people, both male and female. Sometimes, it was quite obvious that the relationships would not last, such as those that were formed at a place of temporary employment or the fling that only lasted for the fall. The tricky situations, though, came when I wasn't sure if certain bonds should have been broken.

In my opinion, romantic relationships are very much like familial relationships and even friendships. There has to be trust, mutual respect, compassion and hopefully, a lot of love involved, in order for any of these to work. When one's feelings change or one realizes that a particular relationship is not in one's best interest, then presumably, it is time to move on...whether the "reason" has come and gone or the last game of the "season" has been played.

Right now, I can think of a person who I was very close to for a total of 3 months. Over the course of that summer, we were inseparable and actually shared a lot about ourselves with each other. Ultimately, this person and I drifted apart, and I must admit that it was by my own design. I knew that our friendship was fleeting and we have not remained friends. Albeit, there is no animosity between the two of us, but when that summer ended, things were never the same. Most telling, our "breakup" did not make me sad or feel as though I were losing someone. In essence, I knew that she no longer needed to be a part of my life because the reason for her presence had been fulfilled.

On the other hand, I can think of numerous occasions where it has been difficult to let go of someone even if their explusion from my space were past due. In those instances, as I sat ignoring all signs of the changing tides, said relationships slowly but surely deteriorated. Even now, there is a man who continues to hover in my atmosphere (sometimes with my invitation), although I am well aware that summer has long ago turned to fall. But, I can't imagine having him be a part of me only in memories...

Don't get me wrong. I have lifetime friends, too! In fact, I probably have more than the average person, and I am grateful for them all. So, today, I am praying for discernment and courage... discernment to tell the difference and courage to do what the universe demands of me when I know.