i've always loved the india.arie song of the same title. it speaks to me on so many levels, because i've always subsribed to the belief that balancing yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically, is the key to living a long, happy life. everything in moderation, they say. i ALWAYS know when i am way off kilter. lately, i haven't been feeling like myself. and i have been acting out. in little ways here and there, nothing major, but acting out for sure.
"it's when you're in that valley, you can see both sides more clearly."
indeed.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Open Letter to the Perpetual Sidepiece: Situations v. Relationships
Dear Perpetual Sidepiece:
If you didn't think I know who you are, I do. And I know you know me.
You admit you two were never "official" and you were "with" Him in a "non-monogamous relationship" (read: SITUATION) for the past several years. We both know that during that time, He has had at least two "official" exclusive relationships (read: RELATIONSHIPS), both of which you had knowledge; one in which He is still involved; and, clearly, neither of which included you. If by chance you don't understand what I mean by Him being in an "official exclusive relationship", I mean referring to the women as "girlfriend", introducing them to His friends and family as such, courting them, and being involved with them exclusively. You conceded you two never made your situation official, so I'm assuming He never claimed you as His girlfriend and you were never in a relationship. He probably hit you with the amorphous "friend" title all the time, huh? Did you ever meet His mother? Go on a family trip with Him? Did He involve Himself in the life of your daughter? I'll wait.........................
Oh *crickets* .........okay.
Did you feel like you were intruding on His relationships while you were just "with" Him, playing the perpetual sidepiece? (You were! And it was unfair to all involved!) How about when you kept in contact as a "friend" knowing you were still in love with Him and wanted more than friendship...a relationship, even? For future reference, disguising yourself as a "friend" didn't fool anyone; friends don't come with ulterior motives.
Seeking emotional support from Him, the sort a boyfriend would give his girlfriend when in a relationship, although He was no longer your person to go to for such support and you knew He was unavailable, was plain wrong. I wonder how you would feel if your new man had an ex that just wouldn't let go, sort of like you wouldn't let go of Him. Don't bother replying, I already know what you'll say.
At what point in the past several years did it matter to you that you were disrespecting His relationships and the women in those relationships by carrying on this emotional and perhaps physical affair, this...situation? I'd bet it DIDN'T matter to you. He was, after all, your future husband. *side eye* *eye roll*
You say He cheats on His current girlfriend? I'm guessing He was cheating with you, up until you decided to sever ties with Him very recently. I'm curious...at what point did you decide "commitment isn't for Him"....before or after you settled for being the other woman...settled on a situation versus a relationship?
Yes, He was dead wrong, but so. were. you. You helped Him cheat, whether emotionally or physically or both. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop playing the victim. Once you knew He had committed to a relationship with someone else (two someones else for that matter), you were playing YOURSELF by remaining the sidechick in a situation.
Oh...you thought it was okay for you to disrespect the next woman's relationship with Him because you loved Him and thought (for some strange reason, in light of the fact that, according to you, He never committed to you EVER) that He would ultimately be your future husband? GIRL, PLEASE. You are as selfish as He is.
In any event, kudos to you for moving on. I hope you stick to your guns and don't fall into the tried but true trap of going to him next time you need a shoulder to cry on only to inevitably becoming emotionally dependent on Him again and reignite the...situation. He clearly enjoys using this to his advantage and to your vast detriment. I call it Him getting girlfriend privileges without fulfilling boyfriend responsibilities.
A piece of advice: just because an otherwise unavailable man makes a piece of himself available to you doesn't mean you should take the bait. Have some self-respect and integrity. Require more than a situation. And respect other people's relationships.
As you were.
~Pretty P
If you didn't think I know who you are, I do. And I know you know me.
You admit you two were never "official" and you were "with" Him in a "non-monogamous relationship" (read: SITUATION) for the past several years. We both know that during that time, He has had at least two "official" exclusive relationships (read: RELATIONSHIPS), both of which you had knowledge; one in which He is still involved; and, clearly, neither of which included you. If by chance you don't understand what I mean by Him being in an "official exclusive relationship", I mean referring to the women as "girlfriend", introducing them to His friends and family as such, courting them, and being involved with them exclusively. You conceded you two never made your situation official, so I'm assuming He never claimed you as His girlfriend and you were never in a relationship. He probably hit you with the amorphous "friend" title all the time, huh? Did you ever meet His mother? Go on a family trip with Him? Did He involve Himself in the life of your daughter? I'll wait.........................
Oh *crickets* .........okay.
Did you feel like you were intruding on His relationships while you were just "with" Him, playing the perpetual sidepiece? (You were! And it was unfair to all involved!) How about when you kept in contact as a "friend" knowing you were still in love with Him and wanted more than friendship...a relationship, even? For future reference, disguising yourself as a "friend" didn't fool anyone; friends don't come with ulterior motives.
Seeking emotional support from Him, the sort a boyfriend would give his girlfriend when in a relationship, although He was no longer your person to go to for such support and you knew He was unavailable, was plain wrong. I wonder how you would feel if your new man had an ex that just wouldn't let go, sort of like you wouldn't let go of Him. Don't bother replying, I already know what you'll say.
At what point in the past several years did it matter to you that you were disrespecting His relationships and the women in those relationships by carrying on this emotional and perhaps physical affair, this...situation? I'd bet it DIDN'T matter to you. He was, after all, your future husband. *side eye* *eye roll*
You say He cheats on His current girlfriend? I'm guessing He was cheating with you, up until you decided to sever ties with Him very recently. I'm curious...at what point did you decide "commitment isn't for Him"....before or after you settled for being the other woman...settled on a situation versus a relationship?
Yes, He was dead wrong, but so. were. you. You helped Him cheat, whether emotionally or physically or both. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop playing the victim. Once you knew He had committed to a relationship with someone else (two someones else for that matter), you were playing YOURSELF by remaining the sidechick in a situation.
Oh...you thought it was okay for you to disrespect the next woman's relationship with Him because you loved Him and thought (for some strange reason, in light of the fact that, according to you, He never committed to you EVER) that He would ultimately be your future husband? GIRL, PLEASE. You are as selfish as He is.
In any event, kudos to you for moving on. I hope you stick to your guns and don't fall into the tried but true trap of going to him next time you need a shoulder to cry on only to inevitably becoming emotionally dependent on Him again and reignite the...situation. He clearly enjoys using this to his advantage and to your vast detriment. I call it Him getting girlfriend privileges without fulfilling boyfriend responsibilities.
A piece of advice: just because an otherwise unavailable man makes a piece of himself available to you doesn't mean you should take the bait. Have some self-respect and integrity. Require more than a situation. And respect other people's relationships.
As you were.
~Pretty P
Monday, January 04, 2010
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