Someone made this statement to me, and it got me to thinking... must one go to church to be religious? This same question was posed to Kirk Franklin (GC, are you wit' me?!) one morning on the radio. He sagely responded with a question of his own, namely: Do you have to wear a ring to be married? Of course the answer to Franklin's query is no, one does not have to wear a wedding ring to be married. But, he clearly made the point that there are things one does, albeit through formalistic rituals, to signify that they are married, such as wearing a gold band on their left ring finger. Likewise, Christians go to church, among other reasons, to indicate that they are in fact Christians.
I admit that I have been slacking on going to church for the past month or so. Between traveling and having weekend guests, it has been difficult for me to get my praise on. But, I've always felt that I can speak to God on my own, and therefore, did not really need to go to church to feed my spirituality. As far as I was concerned, going to church was optional. And, although I choose to attend because I am of the mind that listening to a pastor preach the word provides me with a deeper understanding of my God and my religion, and because I always feel better after I leave the sanctuary, my reasoning has shifted, and I owe it all to Kirk! I often hear that others should KNOW that saved people are just that; that saved people should be recognized as such both in their words and their actions. Well, a prerequisite for wearing your Christianity on your sleeve is going to church. Thank you, Brother Kirk. I stand corrected.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
If people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... how can you tell when their time is up? I think back on relationships I have had with various people, both male and female. Sometimes, it was quite obvious that the relationships would not last, such as those that were formed at a place of temporary employment or the fling that only lasted for the fall. The tricky situations, though, came when I wasn't sure if certain bonds should have been broken.
In my opinion, romantic relationships are very much like familial relationships and even friendships. There has to be trust, mutual respect, compassion and hopefully, a lot of love involved, in order for any of these to work. When one's feelings change or one realizes that a particular relationship is not in one's best interest, then presumably, it is time to move on...whether the "reason" has come and gone or the last game of the "season" has been played.
Right now, I can think of a person who I was very close to for a total of 3 months. Over the course of that summer, we were inseparable and actually shared a lot about ourselves with each other. Ultimately, this person and I drifted apart, and I must admit that it was by my own design. I knew that our friendship was fleeting and we have not remained friends. Albeit, there is no animosity between the two of us, but when that summer ended, things were never the same. Most telling, our "breakup" did not make me sad or feel as though I were losing someone. In essence, I knew that she no longer needed to be a part of my life because the reason for her presence had been fulfilled.
On the other hand, I can think of numerous occasions where it has been difficult to let go of someone even if their explusion from my space were past due. In those instances, as I sat ignoring all signs of the changing tides, said relationships slowly but surely deteriorated. Even now, there is a man who continues to hover in my atmosphere (sometimes with my invitation), although I am well aware that summer has long ago turned to fall. But, I can't imagine having him be a part of me only in memories...
Don't get me wrong. I have lifetime friends, too! In fact, I probably have more than the average person, and I am grateful for them all. So, today, I am praying for discernment and courage... discernment to tell the difference and courage to do what the universe demands of me when I know.
In my opinion, romantic relationships are very much like familial relationships and even friendships. There has to be trust, mutual respect, compassion and hopefully, a lot of love involved, in order for any of these to work. When one's feelings change or one realizes that a particular relationship is not in one's best interest, then presumably, it is time to move on...whether the "reason" has come and gone or the last game of the "season" has been played.
Right now, I can think of a person who I was very close to for a total of 3 months. Over the course of that summer, we were inseparable and actually shared a lot about ourselves with each other. Ultimately, this person and I drifted apart, and I must admit that it was by my own design. I knew that our friendship was fleeting and we have not remained friends. Albeit, there is no animosity between the two of us, but when that summer ended, things were never the same. Most telling, our "breakup" did not make me sad or feel as though I were losing someone. In essence, I knew that she no longer needed to be a part of my life because the reason for her presence had been fulfilled.
On the other hand, I can think of numerous occasions where it has been difficult to let go of someone even if their explusion from my space were past due. In those instances, as I sat ignoring all signs of the changing tides, said relationships slowly but surely deteriorated. Even now, there is a man who continues to hover in my atmosphere (sometimes with my invitation), although I am well aware that summer has long ago turned to fall. But, I can't imagine having him be a part of me only in memories...
Don't get me wrong. I have lifetime friends, too! In fact, I probably have more than the average person, and I am grateful for them all. So, today, I am praying for discernment and courage... discernment to tell the difference and courage to do what the universe demands of me when I know.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Quarter-life Crisis... is there such a thing?!
I copied this from someone's facebook note, but I think it needs broader publication...
ON BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every twenty-something relates to this. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
ON BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every twenty-something relates to this. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Instant Inspiration
I am not a poet by any means. In fact, the following is more "spoken word" than poetry. In any event, I authored what I like to call "Instant Inspiration" in my favorite coffee shop out of the blue. And like Erykah, "I'm sensitive about my s***t!" Enjoy!
I am consumed with thoughts of he
Who does not return my gaze.
His face looks familiar and I see
The striking resemblance is not physical
But all a part of the mind.
Searching for similarities, I find none,
But my own.
So much like me that I can’t fathom how
We’d ever make it.
Too stubborn to move, too
Spoiled to compromise, too
Cynical to love.
Attraction afire and we both know, but
What looks like glitter ain’t always gold, and besides
I ALWAYS get the last word and the last say.
SAY, how could he not requite my attention?
PAY ATTENTION!
OR ELSE!
Or else, what? he chuckles…
For he knows my wrath when met
With nonchalance is just
An idle threat.
You will SWEAT me, he thinks.
I think the same.
Thus, we miss a good thang and it’s no one’s fault but
Our own…
I am consumed with thoughts of he
Who does not return my gaze.
His face looks familiar and I see
The striking resemblance is not physical
But all a part of the mind.
Searching for similarities, I find none,
But my own.
So much like me that I can’t fathom how
We’d ever make it.
Too stubborn to move, too
Spoiled to compromise, too
Cynical to love.
Attraction afire and we both know, but
What looks like glitter ain’t always gold, and besides
I ALWAYS get the last word and the last say.
SAY, how could he not requite my attention?
PAY ATTENTION!
OR ELSE!
Or else, what? he chuckles…
For he knows my wrath when met
With nonchalance is just
An idle threat.
You will SWEAT me, he thinks.
I think the same.
Thus, we miss a good thang and it’s no one’s fault but
Our own…
Monday, October 30, 2006
And so it begins....
A few weeks ago, let's just say six, I got an e-mail from an acquaintance (we'll call him Potential Suitor for now) that I met while matriculating at university. The message basically said that PS would be in town in the next week and that it would be his diststinct pleasure to escort me on a tour of the city. I thought this idea a fabulous one! I love good conversation and I knew that an outing with PS would provide a pleasant reprieve from my usual social scene. We spent nearly a week speaking to each other's voice mails before we made plans, and I spent the entire seven days fretting about something I like to call the "love polygon." If you have ever been in a love triangle (a dreadful assignment that usually ends in disaster), you can probably imagine how terrible a love polygon might be! My little situation involves more than 3 people. In fact, it involves a number more and expands each day. (For purposes of clarification, I am not describing any untoward activity. A lady such as myself would never participate in such behavior.)
Imagine, you meet a great guy in the supermarket, you exchange numbers and make plans to have a date. You are exuberantly discussing with your best girlfriend the impending meeting when she says: "What's his name, again?" "John Doe?" "They call him JD, and he attended University X? He's in fraternity A?" You close your eyes, brace yourself, and reluctantly, you answer her questions in the affirmative. You dread the unspoken words that you can already hear. She knows something about him; namely, her mock trial partner is his ex and they were practically engaged and the poor tart happens to still be in love with him. Although the ensemble you had put together for the evening is stunning, you put that dress back in the closet and take off the heels in which you had been prancing around because you know that you cannot under any circumstances go out with JD. Or can you?
I have been privy to similar scenarios at least 5 times in the past two months. Mind you, I have been a near side to quite a few love polygons myself. So, what does one do in such a situation? My mommy's well-heeded advice was to avoid spending too much time or attention on someone who is part of "such a mess." I personally dislike being placed in awkward situations, and therefore, I will likely go to great lengths to avoid this altogether in the future. However, I would be a silly girl to miss out on a romantic prospect while trying to politely avoid stepping on another girl's toes with my Christian Louboutins. Especially someone to whom I have no real ties. Believe me, I am not advocating that you date your sister's love interest or the father of your best friend's daughter. However, if the relationship between you and the other female arc in that many-angled shape is superficial... put on that demure-with-just-a-hint-of-sexy dress and your peep-toe heels, dab a bit of Vera Wang at your nape and have a fabulous time with the intersecting gentleman!
Imagine, you meet a great guy in the supermarket, you exchange numbers and make plans to have a date. You are exuberantly discussing with your best girlfriend the impending meeting when she says: "What's his name, again?" "John Doe?" "They call him JD, and he attended University X? He's in fraternity A?" You close your eyes, brace yourself, and reluctantly, you answer her questions in the affirmative. You dread the unspoken words that you can already hear. She knows something about him; namely, her mock trial partner is his ex and they were practically engaged and the poor tart happens to still be in love with him. Although the ensemble you had put together for the evening is stunning, you put that dress back in the closet and take off the heels in which you had been prancing around because you know that you cannot under any circumstances go out with JD. Or can you?
I have been privy to similar scenarios at least 5 times in the past two months. Mind you, I have been a near side to quite a few love polygons myself. So, what does one do in such a situation? My mommy's well-heeded advice was to avoid spending too much time or attention on someone who is part of "such a mess." I personally dislike being placed in awkward situations, and therefore, I will likely go to great lengths to avoid this altogether in the future. However, I would be a silly girl to miss out on a romantic prospect while trying to politely avoid stepping on another girl's toes with my Christian Louboutins. Especially someone to whom I have no real ties. Believe me, I am not advocating that you date your sister's love interest or the father of your best friend's daughter. However, if the relationship between you and the other female arc in that many-angled shape is superficial... put on that demure-with-just-a-hint-of-sexy dress and your peep-toe heels, dab a bit of Vera Wang at your nape and have a fabulous time with the intersecting gentleman!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Being called the N-word to your face?
I detest alarm clocks. I especially detest the loud, annoying sounds that alarm clocks make when they awaken me from a night of beauty rest. Therefore, I set my alarm to play the radio instead of making the beeping sound. And as I am preparing for the day, I leave the radio on, specifically on a station that has a nationally syndicated morning show that provides me with comic relief, celebrity gossip, crazy callers, news and most importantly (hey, at least I'm honest), music to which I can dance around the house naked!
On one particularly good morning, the guest on said show was Dave Chappelle. He was asked about his prolific use of the n-word on his infamouns Comedy Central television show and how he has now come to hate the use of the term. He gave the typical, "it's our word, we can use it, others can't" spiel, with which I don't necessarily disagree (I am still coming to terms with this mentality). However, he made an additional statement which caused me to take pause. According to the brilliant, if not a little nutty Chappelle, being called a "minority" in a country that was founded on the principle that the majority wins is like being called the n-word TO YOUR FACE!! Oh, Dear!!
I thought about this statement for a spell, and I came to the conclusion that being called a minority is akin to being given a backhanded compliment. And no one likes to be complimented in that manner. For example, what if that girl who just cannot come to terms with your celestial beauty and grace saunters up and says, "Girl, those shoes you are wearing were just fabulous last year?" At first glance, the comment appears to be complimentary. But, my mommy did not raise a fool; the way in which the sentence was phrased suggests that the Manolo Timbs in which you are still flitting around are no longer fashionable. Now, a true southern belle would be gracious enough to smile warmly and reply, "thank you, your shoes are cute, too." But, I digress...
Being called a "minority" is tantamount to being pegged a "loser" in America since every redblooded flag-carrying Westerner knows that the majority rules. Being designated a "minority" is like being told you will lose EVERY TIME because your race will NEVER outnumber the "majority." But, what happens when that's no longer the case?
It has been estimated that in the future, supposed "minorities" will outnumber our Caucasian counterparts. And since all we "minorities" do is procreate and leach off our noble government, this probably rings true for most. I do not have the slightest fear that rich white men will miraculously turn loose their stronghold on this country anytime soon, and therefore, quite frankly, we will someday live in apartheid conditions. If I were a less honorable woman, I would bet that at that point in time no one will be calling Mr. and Mrs. Smith "minorities." And for the record, I'm not talking about Will and Jada.
On one particularly good morning, the guest on said show was Dave Chappelle. He was asked about his prolific use of the n-word on his infamouns Comedy Central television show and how he has now come to hate the use of the term. He gave the typical, "it's our word, we can use it, others can't" spiel, with which I don't necessarily disagree (I am still coming to terms with this mentality). However, he made an additional statement which caused me to take pause. According to the brilliant, if not a little nutty Chappelle, being called a "minority" in a country that was founded on the principle that the majority wins is like being called the n-word TO YOUR FACE!! Oh, Dear!!
I thought about this statement for a spell, and I came to the conclusion that being called a minority is akin to being given a backhanded compliment. And no one likes to be complimented in that manner. For example, what if that girl who just cannot come to terms with your celestial beauty and grace saunters up and says, "Girl, those shoes you are wearing were just fabulous last year?" At first glance, the comment appears to be complimentary. But, my mommy did not raise a fool; the way in which the sentence was phrased suggests that the Manolo Timbs in which you are still flitting around are no longer fashionable. Now, a true southern belle would be gracious enough to smile warmly and reply, "thank you, your shoes are cute, too." But, I digress...
Being called a "minority" is tantamount to being pegged a "loser" in America since every redblooded flag-carrying Westerner knows that the majority rules. Being designated a "minority" is like being told you will lose EVERY TIME because your race will NEVER outnumber the "majority." But, what happens when that's no longer the case?
It has been estimated that in the future, supposed "minorities" will outnumber our Caucasian counterparts. And since all we "minorities" do is procreate and leach off our noble government, this probably rings true for most. I do not have the slightest fear that rich white men will miraculously turn loose their stronghold on this country anytime soon, and therefore, quite frankly, we will someday live in apartheid conditions. If I were a less honorable woman, I would bet that at that point in time no one will be calling Mr. and Mrs. Smith "minorities." And for the record, I'm not talking about Will and Jada.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Overture
Okay, so I started this blog out of curiosity. I don't know how it may evolve, but I'm thinking I'll have some fun and maybe learn a little bit more about myself along the way.
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