My very sage best friend (let's call her Gayle, as in, Gayle and Oprah) told me the other day "sometimes we go different places searching for something that has been right in front of us the whole time." That statement hit me hard because...well...I feel as though even at this stage of my life I am chasing something that's been missing. I always tell people I have been wasting my fabulosity for years (thanks, Kimora). There is a portion of every young woman's life where she can get away with partaking in foolish behavior, such as dating athletes and other "industry" guys even though she knows it won't lead to anything just because he can get her and her friends into VIP and is willing to pay for shopping sprees and trips to the fun cities--you know, Miami, Vegas, DC, NYC--going out every weekend to swanky bars and clubs and to all the major events, and dressing as if she were walking down the catwalk even if she were just going to the grocery store (or, as my mommy would say, like she was at the BET Awards LOL). Unfortunately, this stage of my life was spent in a city where (1) the chances of running into athletes or any other men in the "industry" were about as good as those of winning the lottery (2) there were only a couple of semi-swanky venues and the "major event" was the local HBCU's homecoming festivities and (3) good shopping was nonexistent. See? A waste of my fabulosity. When I read this post of 1969's, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy because when I was younger, I imagined spending my single youth as 1969 described hers.
But, that is a part of my life that cannot be reclaimed. Of note, I'm still single, just not that young. In fact, I'm at the age where I'm "old enough to know better" and can't do the things a younger woman might. Yet and still, I've been planning my grand relocation to a more metropolitan area where fabulousness will be appreciated and expected.
I'm from a small city, comparable in size to my current location, but even less metro. Gayle went back to our hometown after she graduated from college and she's a teacher at the high school we attended. She says of course it would be nice to have things to do and places to go on the weekends and to meet new people, but she is so happy with her job that it makes up for it.
Blank.Stare.
That entire bit of reasoning baffles me. To note, I took my job, which has a predetermined duration, with a plan to relocate after my time there was up. But, even if my job were permanent and I loved it, I don't think that would be enough to make me stay in a city where I feel stifled in almost every other aspect. Unlike Gayle, I expect to be somewhere where I'll have things to do if I so choose and where I can go out and meet new people all the time! But, Gayle makes me wonder, is all that I want and need right here and I keep missing it because I'm so intent on leaving? Is it my destiny to be the proverbial big fish in a little pond, having to go out of town every weekend to get my fix of fabulousness in some other city?
That can't be. I'm simply too fly for that.
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Well, I'm not to well versed in destinies and the like but if you are steady thinking about relocating, that feeling is never going to go away because you are literally holding yourself prisioner against your will. GO for it, you can always move back, but you can never rewind the time to do something that you should have done long ago.
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